Posts tagged ‘HCG’

Hungry and Pissed Off

This is all HCG diet frustration talking here…

I’m hungry.  I’m hungry all the fucking time, and the only thing I see on TV is a bunch of commercials about food I can’t have!

I had 1 tablespoon of peanut butter yesterday, a whopping 1/4 cup of rice with my vegetables, and some popcorn.   I gained 1.4 pounds!  My total intake for the entire day didn’t weigh 1.4 pounds…WTF?!?!?!   So, this has set me back about 2 days.

We put a roast in the crockpot for dinner tonight.  I had some extra-extra lean ground beef wrapped in lettuce for lunch and an apple. I weighed it all out.    I was looking forward to the roast.  I had grape tomatoes for my veggie then I cut the roast…even coming out of the crockpot it was dry. REALLY DRY.  My husband and daughter got to have mashed potatoes, corn, and gravy with their dinner.  Not me.  I had a nasty slab of dry meat that I couldn’t put any gravy on, couldn’t top with potatoes..NOTHING.   I didn’t even bother eating it.  I got a big glass of water instead.   I fucking hate this diet.  I love that it works, but I hate it.  I hate, I hate it.

If I don’t see a decent loss tomorrow, after restricting myself so much today after a stupid cheat, I’m hitting phase 3.  I don’t care that it has only been 16 days.  I’m tired of starving myself and being grumpy because of it.   I damn near cried when I tasted the roast because it was so shitty and there was nothing I could do to make it taste better.

I want to hang in there until I am down 20 pounds.  As of yesterday morning I had less than 5 pounds today.  Today I am closer to 7 pounds to go.  With the loss of only a half pound a day or so, I’m looking at 2 weeks to lose it.  I can’t take it that long.

If my attitude towards this doesn’t change soon, I’m gonna end up stuffing my face and hating myself for it.

OH! The Drama, The Drama!

Yesterday pretty much sucked.  This post is going to be more about people, drama, and people’s inability to handle drama than much else. These people are all on my roller derby team, so it involves that as well.  It did stress me out to the point of needing a beer, and giving in to pizza, which of course is diet related.    I will also update you on my daughter’s medication trial.

Whenever you make up a team of all girls, there is going to be drama.  There is no way around it.  I thought that being a team of ADULT women would change that a bit.  I guess not.  I suppose it is exacerbated by the fact that our  “women” range in age from 15 to 60.   Oddly, our 15 year old is NOT involved in the team drama, nor is our 60 year-old.  What kills me, is that 85% of this “team drama” isn’t really TEAM drama.  It is personal drama (involving team members) that  skaters drag into practice!   There are 2 (as best as I can figure) legitimate gripes that can be directed at one particular member that is derby related.   All the rest of the hurt feelings, anger, mistrust is not derby related at all, but does include that member.  People are asking for us to dismiss a skater because of shit that IS NOT DERBY RELATED!  A couple are threatening to leave because they don’t like this person, or they feel uncomfortable if she is at practice…  GROW UP.   Leave the shit at the door, come in, lace up your skates, and get on the track.  We don’t talk about skaters’ personal relationships at practice!  We don’t talk about who got really wasted (or maybe they didn’t) and what they did or did not do!

We talk about being better blockers, staying low in a pack, helping your jammer out, sticking with your blocking buddy, turning your shoulders.  We don’t have time to deal with anything else.

As for the person in question….  Forget about EVERYTHING that has happened outside of a derby event (meetings and practices included).  Ask yourself a couple questions…  Can you dispute that they do  a good job on their specific officer duties?  Personally, as far as their officer duties go, I think she does a damn good job.  Minutes are accurate, if they aren’t she changes them.  Now that we have established that we want minutes from all meetings (officer included) distributed, she has.

Can you dispute that she knows the sport of derby well, and when she is on the track, on your team, is an asset?   I can’t dispute that.  She knows the sport better than I do.  She is a better skater than I am.   The last time I skated as jammer, I was approaching the pack and saw her make a very deliberate move to make a hole for me, and I KNEW she would do it again on my next approach around.  In fact, I called out HER name when I got close enough and needed a hole.   When I am blocking, if I feel a hand on each hip, I know it is her if she is jamming.  I also know that she will allow me to make a move to help her out before getting impatient.  I also know that if I block to the right, she is going to come in on my left to take advantage as quickly as possible.

When she runs drills at practice (though, I don’t prefer it), are the drills practical?  Are they beneficial? I think we need to answer, “Yes”.

With all this being said, why can’t people ditch the shit at the door, get on the track, and skate with her knowing she isn’t going to purposefully fuck shit up?  Why can’t they skate with the teammate, recognize her assets, and let it be at that?  Pick the drama back up on your way out if you want.  Handle that at home.   And for Christ’s sake….if you have issues with her..STOP HANGING OUT WITH HER, STOP TEXTING WITH HER, STOP FACEBOOKING WITH HER!

I understand that some of the younger members might struggle with this.  They have less life experience to teach them how to grow a thicker skin, separate the “church and state”, and move on.  I’m shocked at the number of our 20 and 30 something skaters that can’t do this.     Is it lack of experience in team sports?    I don’t know.

What I do know is that I cannot support voting someone off the team right now.  If we allow that, without ever discussing with that person what the issues are, and while people are letting outside shit spill over, then I could very well be voted out for making a snarky comment, or someone else can go for using the word “Fuck” too much.   That is bullshit.

What led to all the urgency  was an upset text that coach got, from one of our best skaters, saying that she can’t practice with person “A” anymore and may quit if she doesn’t leave.    Coach freaked out, sent out a mass text asking team members  if they think someone that causes drama and is hurting morale should be voted out.  She sent this to person A!  Shit grew from there. Person A knew it was about her.  Lying to her only caused more problems because then you have a coach and/or officers doing the exact same thing she is being accused of (being sneaky, lying, being secretive).   Now, as best as I can figure, members are expecting that this person has been kicked off the team.   Yes, she is a bit of a whack-a-doodle sometimes, but she deserves fair treatment (no matter how unfair she has been OUTSIDE of derby).   We need to adopt the code-of-conduct, we need to have everyone sign it, then we need to hold EVERYONE to it.  Not just her.  We have a few  other members (even those crying for dismissal) that are operating out of their boundaries right now.

All of this shit then played into my diet.   I really wanted to go home from work, and have a beer.  I hadn’t had a beer or a glass of wine  in 15 days.  It isn’t that I NEEDED it.  I just like to know that I can if I want to.   Of course, there was nothing thawed for dinner.  So, I picked up a $5 pizza and some bread sticks.  I had two slices of cheese and 2 bread sticks.  Then I had to go to our “emergency officers meeting”.  I had 2 beers.  I also had a few sun chips.     I figured it was worth the 4 day set-back.        It wasn’t a set back.   I lost a fricken pound.   How do you explain that?

Lilly was started on Adderall XR on Wednesday.  I guess 10 mg is the normal starting dose.  Her doctor started her on 5mg.   Wednesday-Friday were typical days.  We will see how the weekend is.

Phew!

I dodged the bullet.  I as down another half pound this morning.  I was worried that there would be a day delay in the gain.  I am officially recovered from the very bizarre, inexplicable gain a few days ago.  My monthly bill has come early though (2 weeks!) and is seriously over-charging me.  I don’t know if it is related to all those other issues I am having in regards, or if it is HCG related. Tough to tell.

I have roller derby practice today.  We will see what the scale says tomorrow.  I’m going to skip eating until about 4:00, then eat all my calories then, so I can survive practice.

Lilly has her appt with her doctor today.  I have the completed Conner’s surveys in hand.  We will see what happens.  She has gone to the nurse’s office EVERY DAY since returning to school from Christmas break.  She complains of a stomach ache or headache.  I honestly think it is anxiety.  She so badly doesn’t want to get into trouble that she has high anxiety over it and it manifests itself physically.   PLEASE, I hope we find an answer.

Dieting and the BCS bowl

As you read previously (or maybe you didn’t) I gained a total of .6 pounds over the previous past 2 days.  Last night was the BCS bowl game.  Being that I am from Oregon, I of course was going to a bowl game party.  My responsibility…bring the crock-pot full of piping hot nacho cheese sauce to douse the Tostitos in and a couple $5 pizzas.

Nice….500 calorie a day diet with VERY limited food choices, and I bring the cheese sauce.

After seeing the .5 gain yesterday morning, after a .1 gain the day before (both with no apparent cause), I had to ponder the value in having a cheat day. All I had eaten for the day was an orange, and  there were only a few possible outcomes.

1.  Not cheat, get on the scale the next morning and see another gain, leading me to jump off the wagon and say, “Screw it. I have gained 3 days in a row!”

2.  Not cheat, and see a really great loss the next day, leading to being glad I didn’t cheat.

3.  Cheat, knowing I will gain the next day, and just accept I likely set myself back by about 3 days.

I decided I would play it by ear.  It was bad enough I wouldn’t get to drink any beer while there.

In the end, I ate.  I ate 2 slices of cheese pizza and some chips with cheese.   There was a platter of cupcakes that were sprinkled in Oregon green on the buffet.  I decided that I would not touch them, at least until the 4th quarter. I figured if they were all gone by then, it wasn’t meant to be.    The 4th rolled around and passed on to the 2 minute warning and there sat about 5 pretty cupcakes.  I ate one of those, too.

I am sure you can predict what would transpire this morning….. Well.  We were all WRONG.  I lost a half a pound.  How is that!?  How can I stick to the damn diet to a T, gain for two days, then eat garbage and lose!?  How messed up is that??  Despite the good fortune (not to worry, I have prepared myself for a possible delay on consequences and don’t relish the thought of tomorrow morning), I decided to have an apple day today.  I have had coffee, tea, and about 5 apples so far.  I have skipped the Melba as well.

This is complete craziness.  If I wasn’t down 11.9 pounds since the first, I’d be eating chicken and rice bake with my family right now.    As for the football game…

I am proud of the Ducks.  It was a good, close game.  I don’t think there is anything to be ashamed of.   I think Eric Smith should have been ejected, and I think they needed to double up on Fairley, but oh well.   Maybe somebody will pull a Tanya Harding on him, rendering him unable to play in the future.  Cheap shots like that are uncalled for and plain rotten.  Looks like it is a habit of his given what turns up on Google when you type “Auburn Eric Smith”.

So frustrated!!!

I was a good girl all weekend!  I did not cheat, even when I wanted to in such a bad way.   I woke up Saturday UP 0.1, and I was down Sunday by 0.6.  This morning I woke up and I was  UP!  UP! 0.6.  WTF!?!?  I skated some at roller derby practice, but I made sure to drink lots of water.  How in the hell can I be up?  Why am I trying SO stinking hard and depriving myself of things I LOVE?

I am going to a BCS Bowl party tonight (I AM in Oregon), and I get to bring a big vat of  nacho cheese (that I can’t eat).  It better be worth it in the morning! Oh, and I will be sans beer as well.

Day 10 of VLCD and net loss is 11.5.

Day..5 of VLC

I was a tad disappointed after yesterday morning. I was down 0.3 pounds. Granted, I did go to roller derby practice the night before and in preparation for that I had 5 oz of chicken rather an 3.5. I think the exercise caused some water retention.

During the day, I at 478 calories, drank 4 big mugs of green tea, and about 32 oz of water (probably not enough). I was down 1.2 this morning. I am down a total of 8.3 pounds in 5 days.

I have roller derby practice again tonight. Not sure if I will eat more protein or not. I don’t want to have zero energy or get light headed. Maybe I will have my regular protein but add 1/2 an apple.

I am liking the switch in my thyroid medication. A week ago I switched from Synthroid 75 to Amour Thyroid (1.5, 30 mg tablets a day). I am feeling really pretty good!

Weigh-in after day 2 of VLCD of HCG Diet

Just a quick check-in…  I weighed this morning at 193.8.  Yesterday I was 196.8.  So, I am down a total of 6.8 pounds since starting the Very Low Calorie phase of the HCG diet.  The cool thing- I can actually SEE it in my “top roll” (upper belly).   Really, I can SEE the difference.  I don’t recall that being the case the last time I tried this.

Last night for dinner I sliced up a cucumber and added a little salt to it. I had an orange and about 4 oz of steak.  My daughter and husband hand mashed butternut squash (why can’t I have squash?) and steak.   For lunch, Lilly wanted mac-n-cheese.  I had to ask Jon to finish making it. I added the butter, powder, and milk. Once I started mixing I had the horrible urge to shove the entire wooden spoon into my mouth.  LOL

Here’s to another day of fighting the fight.

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